i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
