So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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