in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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