Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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