Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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