South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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