just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
