he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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