I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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