Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize