Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
