woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
