dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
