imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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