Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
