That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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