whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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