Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
