he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
