I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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