That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
