i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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