I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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