The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
