Too much gin, very little bucket
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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