K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
