There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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