You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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