My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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