We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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