HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
