I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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