What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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