This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
