My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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