dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize