these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
