1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
