it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
