you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
