It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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