now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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