I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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