it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
