I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
