I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
