This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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