Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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