He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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