He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
