You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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