we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
