I must be too annoying 4 u.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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