i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
