I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
