You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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