Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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