she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
