One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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