She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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