when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
