i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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