Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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