If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and she was petting her beer can
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize