I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
