Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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