So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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