If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize