I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
