i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
