She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
